#14

it's been so long. i'm not really sure of what to write though. life been...well. I guess. trying really hard to get myself occupied so that inner negative person in me won't corrupt my mind.

today have been a very long day. went to the library for some research work with H and dinner with the fam. I can say today have been productive since I did some work and spent like 6 hours in the library.

had our dinner at Bedok Corner and coffee afterwards at McCafe. ordered 3 drinks and was given 2 other free drinks. woohoo!

school have been alright. primer 1 has ended with a presentation that went well, I guess.

there's more to write but, you know when you wanna let everything out but you just can't because you suck at expressing yourself?

yeap, that's me i'm referring to

#13

i'll be back, promise.

#12

Week 4. people keep on complaining on their twitter on how busy and hectic it will be and here I am at home clueless and still manage to blog. have I mention that my class are a bunch of competitive people? oh wait, I think I did. Gonna go to school early tomorrow and have a head start on my cryptex. Psssh I bet half of the class have started on it. submission date will be on this wed, but heck, last minute stuffs do good for me.    I'm blogging from the iPad now and I have no idea how to create another paragraph. Slenge syafiqah , oh well, what's new?  // my feelings are on a roller coaster ride and my mind is in a mess. Idk. It's difficult for me to feel really happy nowadays. I laugh and joke a lot with my friends, but that brief moment of laughter fades real quick. I want to be happy. I want to be syafiqah. The old, syafiqah. Yes, I know it's cliche, " putting on a fake smile" is what I've been doing for most of the time. I've yet to find something that makes me happy. I find myself very emo nemo when I blog. I guess blogging is kinda therapeutic and gets whatever in my minds, out. // it feels as though there is this person in my head, no, not an imaginary friend, but idk, my conscience, maybe? It's kinda irritating but, it's in me. I need to get it out. Help.

#11

#10

I don't want to talk what happened for this 3rd week. I don't want to talk about school. I don't want to talk about anything. Anything, except this desire.

 I just want to walk aimlessly and poof! No, not disappear, but to discover a shop or a café or whatever there is where no one been to. Not a deserted place or somewhat, but a place where that isn't crowded. I begin to feel kind of claustrophobic in my own country. There are just too many people. I don't mind actually having foreigners settling in Singapore for work. But, Singapore is just too overpopulated already. Too many people in such a small little red dot. Too many people competing with one another; jobs, sits and studies. Talking about studies, my class is made of, very hardworking people that scares me a little. They are competitive and just woah. Ugh, no, thinking and blogging about school, no. i'm not going to.

 

I think i'm getting the hang of being alone after how often I go to school alone. I kinda like it actually. Have been exploring a few ways going back home without having to take the mrt lately. I prefer sitting in a bus than in a train and just stare outside the window without having this brain of mind,overthinking.

 



#9

lost.
afraid.
self-conscious.
help

#8 // idk

a friend asked " are you being yourself in school?" 

"idk"

 

i'm a person who keeps everything to herself, fearing that whatever she talks about would make others judge her. plus, idk how to "express" myself. sharing problems and talking about my personal life is just not me, I guess. I can be very enthusiastic, loud but whenever i'm alone i'll start to think, is that me? I hate it, when I overthink. I think this blog would do me good, having a place to pen down my feelings. not literally "pen" down but yah. still considering if i should post the link of my blog to anywhere in this world wide web.

 

it sucks, to keep everything to myself and ending up making myself feeling very miserable. I used to have a friend who I could honestly talk to but we drift apart. ohwell.

 

idk who I am. I'm just a person who fits herself with the surroundings. I guess I have multiple personalities, blending herself well with the people around her. I have trouble in myself. everyday, its a war between me, myself and I. ok that was cliché but yah. its a burden, to keep everything to myself. its a constant struggle but I keep reminding myself every single time

 " there's someone out there having problems worser than you"

 

I'm a very optimistic girl, but times like this, it sucks, not to have someone to talk to. goodbye.